Growth, Grit, and Allowing Ourself to Become

What if the most important journey you'll ever take isn't about reaching a destination... but about becoming someone you never imagined you could be?

As I wrap up the first season of Transformative Journeys, I wanted to do something a little different.

Rather than simply replaying favourite episodes, I've woven together four conversations that tell a much bigger story - a story about courage, self-trust, questioning old narratives, and allowing ourselves to grow into new versions of who we are.

Together, we'll revisit:

   • What it means to take chances before we feel ready.
   • Why the stories we've inherited about ourselves deserve to be questioned.
   • The uncomfortable, often messy process of unlearning old beliefs.
   • And why growth isn't about becoming perfect - it's about allowing ourselves to become.

This isn't a "greatest hits" episode.

It's a guided tour through the ideas that quietly shaped not only this first season of the podcast... but me as well.

If you've listened since Episode One, I hope you'll hear these conversations in a new way.

And if you're joining me for the first time, I can't think of a better place to begin.

Because the climb isn't really about reaching the summit.

It's about who we become along the way.

In This Episode

You'll discover:

• Why courage usually comes after we begin - not before. 
• How childhood curiosity slowly becomes adult self-doubt. 
• The hidden power of questioning old stories and limiting beliefs. 
• Why insight alone doesn't create change. 
• The role discomfort plays in meaningful personal growth. 
• How repeated small choices gradually shape who we become. 

Resources Mentioned

Throughout this compilation, we revisit conversations from earlier episodes, including:

• Taking Chances 
• Rewriting the Stories You Were Told 
• The Art of Unlearning 
• Exposure Therapy in Real Time 

If this episode resonated...

If today's conversation encouraged you to look at your own story a little differently, I'd love it if you would:

⭐ Follow the podcast so you never miss an episode.

⭐ Share it with someone who's learning to trust themselves a little more.

⭐ Leave a rating or review—it really helps more people discover these conversations.

You can also find me at:

🌐 www.transformativejourneys.ca

📸 Instagram: @transformativejourneys.johanna

🎶 Music: “Back Roads” by Will Harrison, via Epidemic Sound.

Disclaimer:
 Johanna is not a therapist, psychologist, or medical professional. She is a public health professional, volunteer, speaker, and human being sharing personal experiences, lessons learned, and evidence-informed insights. Please seek qualified professional support when needed.

Transcript

Welcome back to Transformative Journeys with Johanna! I’m your host Johanna – and whether listening in while you’re on your evening walk… keeping me company while you fold your laundry… in your truck during your commute to work… or somewhere in between… I’m glad you’re here.

As we wrap up Season 1 (I know right??? Not only did this scared and hesitant little indie podcaster from Ontario manage to put out a full season’s-worth of episodes… She’s getting ready to take on Season 2 – and digging even deeper into the sh*t that makes us tick as humans!)… 

Anyways, as I got ready to start thinking about how I wanted to finish off the season…

I found myself sitting in my pickup truck one day on my lunch break… watching some kids scrambling all over the play equipment where I go to park and get away from “people-ing” at the office… and I started thinking… 

“Do you remember what it was like Johanna, to not even think to yourself how very brave it was to just not overthink stuff and just do it…? Just climbing to the top of that ladder to the top of the slide – and then letting yourself slide all the way down without worrying about what was going to happen at the bottom?”. Either trusting that a parent or caregiver was going to be there to catch you… or better yet – that you were completely capable of landing on your feet at the bottom?”

And of course, because it’s what I do, sitting in my truck thinking - that internal dialogue moved into looking at my life now.

And not quite patting myself on the back… but feeling kind of proud how – even though I was scared, and unconfident, and had no idea what I was doing… or what I was getting myself into for that matter…

I just did it.

Not perfectly. Looking back… not even well LOL.

Definitely not confidently…

But I did it.

Not that I exactly remember… but I think it probably felt a lot like the first time I climbed to the very top of the really high – almost as high as the sky, it probably felt to someone under 3 feet tall – slide down at the beachside park in the same city where I live right now… and just trusted that I was going to land on my feet at the bottom and be ok.

(And by the way – to give you an idea of how old I am… that slide was probably a good 12 or 15 feet tall… and all metal…lol. Something no sane park planner would countenance nowadays lol). And I’m pretty sure it was removed from that beachside park years ago.

Anyways… looking back through some of the conversations we've had over the past year...

Not always the most downloaded episodes… Not even necessarily… you know, now looking back… my favourite episodes...

But the conversations that, when I looked at them together, seemed to reflect those thoughts… and that story.

A story about courage.

About faith and self-trust.

About shedding stores we’ve outgrown.

And about landing somewhere you were finally brave enough to go.

… and maybe even discovering that we deserved to go there all along.

Maybe not always gracefully… and maybe with your butt sticking in places on a griddle-hot surface of self-reflection.

Because if there's one thing I've learned through creating this podcast, it's that growth doesn't usually happen all at once.

It happens in baby steps.

And sometimes when you look at what it takes to grow - its pretty f*cking uncomfortable – maybe even a little painful sometimes.

Growth sounds awesome in motivational quotes…

In real life? It often looks like uncertainty, self-doubt, a bit of analysis-paralysis… and maybe wondering if we’ve lost our f*cking minds to want to try something outside of our comfort zone.

First we start questioning...

Then we start noticing the stories we've been carrying.

Then maybe we begin letting go of the ones that no longer fit.

And eventually, if we're willing, we start practicing becoming someone new.

So today’s episode is a little different – because I’m going to take you on a bit of a journey.

Think of it as a guided tour through four conversations that, together, represent some of the biggest ideas I think we've explored on Transformative Journeys.

And if you've ever felt the pull to become something more fully yourself...

I hope these conversations help.

We're actually going to start right at the beginning.

Because every transformation begins the same way.

With permission.

Permission to try.

Permission to fail.

Permission to want something more.

This is Episode 1:
Taking Chances.

Do you ever daydream about trying something new, and then tell yourself that you’re too old and it’s too late to start chasing new dreams? Or maybe you’ve told yourself you don’t have the education… training… or fill-in-the-blank-here to do something you have never done before?  Think again.

I want to talk to you about stepping out of your comfort zone to take chances and start break through your fears about trying something new. (A new podcast for example…)

Let’s dig into that!

And here we go!!! With a bit of fear and trepidation, I might be starting messy as they say, but I’m starting. With the hope that if you’re listening today, you’ll stick with me as I learn and get better… So Welcome to the first episode of Transformative Journeys with Johanna! And guess what?! I’m Johanna!

I want to be 100% transparent with you on this podcast. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So I’ll tell you know right off the bat here that I haven’t always been so brave. I spent most of my life worried about what people would think and letting my desire for the approval of the people who I thought mattered dictate what I was willing to do or not do – try or not try.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve done some quietly and privately stepping off of the beaten path to explore a variety of things, but it used to be just that - privately. 

For years I kept my interest in unconventional spirituality hidden in my bedside table drawer. Worried about what people would think… Worried about what my family would say… It wasn’t that I thought religion and spirituality were ‘private’ – nobody kept their Christianity, Judaism or Buddhism secret! But I somehow felt that I needed to keep mine secret because it wasn’t mainstream, and I was afraid of being judged.

About 17 years ago I began peer mentoring and public speaking around advocacy with the organization I volunteer with, and I didn’t tell my family at first because I was used to feeling like whatever I was doing or was interested in wasn’t valued, of always feeling like I didn’t live up to their expectations, or even just hearing disparaging comments when I started something, about how I “never followed through with things”. 

The reasons behind that are definitely food for thought for another episode…, but I’m also a Gemini, and I tend to have wide-ranging interests. Some of them I just want to skim through, or try once or twice, to pacify a mild interest, and others I dive into long and deep, almost to a level of obsession. 

My interests were just never the same as their interests… so they weren’t valued, and living up to their expectations was a bit of a struggle… 

So the unfortunate truth is that I wasn’t wrong to be hesitant about telling my family about my volunteer work because when I did share it with my parents, my dad’s first comment was “But is she any good at it…” – as if that was the point or even mattered. 

But with age comes wisdom. And hopefully wisdom nurtures courage. Courage to release that which doesn’t serve our higher good. Like the need for approval – or even acceptance – from those who aren’t living our life.

When you choose to be courage you also risk vulnerability. And vulnerability is not weakness – it is courageous. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as opening ourselves up to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. She also says you cannot have courage without vulnerability, because every act of true courage exposes you to the risk of uncertainty, risk or emotional exposure – or all three.

Deciding to start this podcast is a huge step into the unknown for me. Along with the excitement of trying something completely new to me, there’s a little voice in the back of my head that is whispering…

“What if nobody likes it?”

“What if you really suck at it?”

“What if the people you know make fun of you or talk behind your back about how stupid it is?”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

Taking risks can be intimidating – even frightening – but can also be incredibly rewarding. It can lead to new opportunities for growth that we never imagined. Often, the more daunting the undertaking – the sweeter the personal reward in the end. And fail or succeed, the true reward is in the journey!

“I couldn’t find the original author of this quote, but I love it. “Failure is not the opposite of success. It’s part of success.” 

A year ago, I never imagined myself as a podcaster. I listen to a lot of podcasts. A LOT. And sometime last summer I started to think… You know what?... “I think I could do this.” ?  I’ve been through some sh*t in my life…  “I think I have things to share.” “I think I could help some people through some stuff…”

So here I am at 58 years old, excited but more than a little nervous, preparing to embark on one more new adventure. 

Too any people have let themselves fall into the trap of believing that they are too old to start something new, listening to the stereotypical misconceptions about age and personal growth, but I believe that age is just a number. Our capacity to learn and grow might evolve, but it doesn’t diminish with age.

Nor do I think that our capacity for learning is necessarily limited to mental and emotional self-development. I started learning to ride a dirt bike four years ago at the ripe old age of 54, and has it been tremendously challenging at times. Physically and mentally. My best friend just started learning this summer and she is 10 years older than I!!! How’s that for courage??!!

One of the great things that learning to ride a dirt bike is helping to teach me is to look past my fear. After breaking my wrist in a fall, I was brought back to a confidence level lower than the first year I was riding. I became timid on my bike in a way I hadn’t been before. I was forced to step back and evaluate what I needed to do to build my confidence again. That meant coaching. Going back and taking lessons again. Acknowledging where my fears were coming from and making a commitment to myself to do what I need to do to build up my confidence again, even if that meant starting near the beginning and taking baby steps forward, working on my basic skills to help me believe in myself again.

From learning how to navigate my grief journey after my 22-year-old son died, and not just surviving - but learning how to pull the pieces of my life back together, and going on to provide peer mentoring support to others on similar journeys… to learning how to overcome my fear and insecurity to become a public speaker to educate and advocating for change… learning how to run an online business… and now launching this podcast, my journey has been full of unexpected turns, each one teaching me something new.

At 58, I’m still discovering new passions and skills. Whether it’s riding my dirt bike, learning how to podcast, or working on adapting some of the workshops I’ve done in my grief mentorship role that I think will help others through personal growth and transformation, I don’t plan for my journey of learning to ever stop.

Transformative Journeys is about embracing change and growing through life’s challenges. It will be about turning adversity into empowerment. I can’t empower you, but I want to help you empower yourself. I can encourage you. I can share my thoughts, and I can share tools that can help you become a more empowered person. But I can’t make you use those tools, and I can’t empower you.

And listen! I don’t get it all right! I don’t always do allllll of the things that I know will help me when I’m struggling with something! I still go through life super messy sometimes.

Let me tell you… I’ve been on the planet for you know… 58 full turns around the sun, and I’ve had my share of challenges. From childhood baggage to infidelity in a marriage, divorce, child loss… just a lot. And I for sure didn’t do it all “right”. 

I was a teen parent… was I perfect? No. Was I great as a parent? I always worry about whether or not I was. But I tried hard to be a good parent and I did the best I could with the tools that I had at the time.

I raised three teenagers – with all of the drama, chaos and mayhem that entails. Did I do it right? Looking back… not always. When I look back there are lots of things I wish I’d done differently. But I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time!

The thing is, the biggest thing I’ve learned is that we can’t avoid having challenges in life. What we can do is to empower ourselves with tools, strategies, and ways to build resilience so we can navigate those challenges and come out as more than survivor. Becoming a better version of ourselves on the other side.

So, during these podcasts I hope to inspire you to takes steps forward to move past the initial chaos of whatever life challenge you are dealing with, to embrace new opportunities, face life’s challenges head- on, and continuously grow, now matter your age or background. 

Today I want to encourage you to take that leap, whatever it may be. Start that project, take that course, or dive into a new hobby. You’re never too old to pursue your dreams.

In the words of the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

If you’re interested in learning more about how you can transform your own journey, stay tuned for upcoming episodes or visit www.transformativejourneys.ca. You’ll be able to subscribe to receive notifications when a new podcast drops, and I will send you my Insights for Navigating Grief absolutely free. 

Today, we talked about learning to start to let go of our past, about taking chances and overcoming fear, about embracing new challenges at any age, and about not being afraid to start something new.

Thank you for joining me on this first episode. If you enjoyed it, or if think it would be helpful to someone you know, please share it or leave a review! I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

Next time, we’ll dive into what it means to rebuild from the ashes of a challenging life event. One of those defining moments where you realize that everything has changed and now you need to navigate a new and unexpected route. 

Until then, this is Johanna, reminding you… that it doesn’t matter if you fall. What matters is how well you bounce. This is Transformative Journeys!

See you next time!

Listening to that episode now feels a little bit like getting out of a time machine and stepping into an old life.

The excitement… the uncertainty…

And the truth is… listening to someone who was still cautiously peering around to see if she was even allowed to do what she was doing.

Not because anyone was stopping me.

Not because I didn’t have lots of encouragement happening quietly in the background. My husband buying my first microphone… helping me set up my office to try to get better acoustics and less echo… asking me gently, now and then, when I was going to start… or how it was coming along…

(And patiently nodding through my excuses about tech and software and needing to finish building my website LOL). 

And so many of us spend years quietly waiting for permission…

Permission to be who we are.

Permission to take up space.

Permission to fall a little short of expectations…

… Permission to be something more than maybe people around us have supported us to be in the past...

Taking chances can be really hard… 

And figuring out why we're so afraid to take them in the first place?

That’s sometimes even harder.

Because underneath most fears is a story. 

An old, learned, memorized, and internalized story.

About who we are and what we're capable of.

About who we should be and what we deserve.

And about what might happen if we step outside the role we've always played in that story.

So that's where the next conversation takes us.

Because I finally stopped asking: “What if I fail?"

And started asking: “Where did I learn to believe that I couldn't succeed?"

This next episode is about the stories we inherit long before we're old enough to question them.

… because y’all know by now…

It doesn’t matter if you fall… what matters is how well you bounce.

This is Episode 10:
Rewriting the Stories You Were Told.

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself who wrote the story you’re living? Because here’s the truth: most of us didn’t.

We inherited it. From parents, teachers, coaches, religious figures, media, and systems that told us who we were, what we were worth, and what we should believe about ourselves. And for a long time, most of us lived by that story.

This week, we’re digging deep into how those stories get written for us—and how we can stop allowing others to hold the pen that has written – and may be continuing to write - our story.

Spoiler: It’s not about erasing the past. It’s about understanding the chapters that were written were written before, so we can write the ones that are truly ours moving forward.

Let’s dig into that!

Welcome back to Transformative Journeys with Johanna! And hey! Still Johanna here!

Our story starts being written for us long before we can hold a pen to write it… long before we can even start using words… or begin to think we have a story.

Others around us started to shape our identity and our perception of who we were from almost the time we were born, and continued to shape it through our developmental years, and even into our teens and as young adults. Then societal pressures started to kick in – telling us more about who we should be and how we should write our story in order to fit in.

in childhood, we’re not the authors. Our caregivers, teachers, early influencers, and even our friends, narrated our world to us.

You might have heard things like:

“She’s the shy one.” Or “He’s my sensitive child.”

“You were always loud. Right from the time you were born.”

“It’s ok. You’re not very good at math.” Or “You never finish anything you start.”

“She’s a little caretaker… always looking after her baby brother.”

“She’s boy-crazy!” or “He’s a wild one. No self-restraint at all!”

Most of these things may seem harmless… or even affectionate… but the truth is that these early messages get internalized as truth – and who we see ourselves as - especially during critical periods of brain development in infancy and early childhood, but also in adolescence when there is significant brain development in the areas related to social development and decision-making.

The parts of our brains responsible for emotion processing (our limbic system), and reasoning and identify formation (our prefrontal cortex) are still under construction during these periods, so the messages we hear over and over from the people around us (especially if they have emotions attached to them) actually become part of our neural pathways and become part of our core beliefs.

And since we’re too young to challenge them, we don’t just believe them – we become them.

You see… humans are storytellers. Anthropologically, our brains are wired for story. In fact, research shows that humans are "story-processing machines" (Schank & Abelson, 1995; Bruner, 1991). We don’t just remember events – our brains automatically organize them into coherent narratives that help us make sense of the world around us, so we can communicate them back to others.

We take pieces of events, store them for later as memories, and then pull them together to form a script in our heads, not just about events themselves, but about what people said, did, or meant as well. 

Often the way in which we put these pieces together can be a result of past experience and how those pieces of memory made us feel.

So, what happens when those narratives are internalized? It can affect our confidence… our relationships… our willingness to take risks… and even our ability to heal.

It shows up in the stories we tell ourselves, like:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“I can’t do hard things.”

“I always mess things up.”

“My job is to make everyone happy.”

“If people knew the real me, they wouldn’t love me.”

Sound familiar? These aren’t just passing thoughts. They’re etched in there like grooves in a record (Yup…  I’m dating myself a little there… lol).

But this isn’t all doom-and-gloom. It’s not “just who I am”, and it’s definitely not “I’m-just-going-to-be-like-this-forever.”

"Owning the narrative" means actively shaping your identity, goals, and who you want to be in life, rather than letting your past or other people do it.

It means that you get to set the terms of who you are, what you believe, and where you are going.

Thanks to neuroplasticity (which is our brains incredible ability to rewire itself), our brains can change! And with a little work, we can rewrite our internal narrative. We get to pick up the pen, and write the next chapter in our story and we get to “own the narrative” for that new chapter. 

Rewiring our brains to create our own narrative isn’t about saying mantras and wishful thinking. Nope. Put on your boots and buckle up, because we’re on a mission of: developing Awareness, producing Disruption, and crafting Replacement.

1.  It starts with learning to recognize those old scripts when they show up and asking, “Who says this is who I am?”, “Is this actually true?”

2.  We follow it with interrupting and disrupting the pattern when those scripts come up, examining where that script came from and looking for the evidence that proves it’s not true. Choosing to focus on our strengths, our successes, and our positive qualities, rather than perceived failures or shortcomings.

This doesn’t mean we have to dwell on blame and finger pointing while we’re determining where those beliefs about ourselves came from. We’re proving it’s not true to ourselves – we don’t have to frigging defend or explain ourselves to anyone.

3.  We then get to choose to reframe and replace those outdated, or untrue scripts with new ones, using language that reflects our values, our growth, and our truth. Be honest, and be true to yourself about this. We are not pulling data from others’ expectations of us – we are pulling it from our real, lived experience.

Now comes the hardest part of all though. Now we go out in the world and make it our external narrative too. Now we live our story – on our own terms.

Sounds a bit scarier huh? It was for me. 

Because some people are going to continue to try to squash you back into that old script. And some people are NOT going to like it when you don’t let them.

•   It might be your boss, trying to cram you back down into the role you’ve played for years to fuel their ego or keep everyone else happy.

•   It might be your friends, who want to wedge you back into their concept of what it means to fit in.

•   It might be your significant other, who is terrified that if you grow you will leave them behind, so they do their best to push you to back into the old mold so they feel safe.

•   It might be your family. They can sometimes push back the hardest because theirs were likely the earliest narratives you were given – and they might find it hard to let go of who they thought you were or who they wanted you to be. 

But you know what? Wherever it’s coming from… it might be scary at first, but if’s also pretty f*cking awesome to start learning how to be true to yourself.

The thing is… this isn’t about being manipulative, or deceptive, or trying to “pull one over” on people. You get to take your morals and ethics and principles with you on this journey.

Its about consistently reinforcing something about yourself that’s true and authentically you. Every pen-stroke of your new narrative brings you a little bit closer to bringing that story to life.

It’s about starting to show up and move through your life being – and being seen as – who you really are.

And it’s about no longer letting ourselves be forced into playing a part in others’ stories about who we are.

Here’s some of my best tips on growing through writing your narrative:

1.  Be discerning about what you let into your head. Whether that’s on social media, commercials, billboards, or television and regular media. I like the term “garbage in – garbage out”.

Wherever we turn there are articles, advertising and images telling us how we ought to think, feel, and look.

They tell us what we need to do… to be more attractive… to be more successful… to be more (you fill in the blank).

We need to be our own content-censor and be mindful of what we allow into our cerebral space. 

2.  Start paying closer attention to what that little voice in your head is saying. 

Did you know that according to research, the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts per day, and that on average, about 75% of those thoughts are negative? And 95% are repetitive. (Leahy, 2005)  

Have you ever actually stopped and listened to what your little voice is saying? Or how it’s making you feel? Would you talk to someone you love the way that your little voice talks to you? Of course not!

And when you start to listen, you may even find that the voice in your head isn’t actually you at all. Remember … other people’s narratives.   

So practice becoming more aware of how you are talking to you. Start asking yourself if she is telling the truth – or if she is lying to you.

When you hear yourself being negative, or hurtful, start rewriting or reframing those thoughts.

Instead of "I’m so stupid.," try: "I make mistakes like everyone else, but I’m learning from this."

Instead of "I’m not lovable," try: "I am worthy of love and kindness."

3. Start to create a clear vision of the story you want to live out, and who and how you want to be in that story.

Your vision of who you want to become and the story and experience you want for your life will help get you through the hard times, hard conversations, and the self-doubt that are still going to creep in.

Knowing how you want to narrate your life story will help you prevent others from pushing you off your path.

4. Begin to set boundaries for yourself. This can be hard sometimes – but it’s so important.

Sometimes its those boundaries are around what we will read or watch or listen to.

Sometimes it means seeing less of the people who struggle the most with the new narrative we are writing for ourselves. 

And sometimes it means saying “no”. It’s time to be clear about what you are or are not willing to do, who you are and are not willing to allow into your life, and what situations you will allow yourself to be in. (Like your sister-in-law’s 3rd baby shower – where you know damn well you’re going to be asked again, when you’re going to settle down and start a family).

5. Above all else, as always, be gentle with yourself. When you find yourself believing your little voice… or other people’s narratives… gently correct yourself, reset, and move ahead.

If you have a notebook or paper handy, today I’m going to encourage you to start considering what you want your new story to look like.

Ask yourself these kinds of questions: 

“What story have I been telling myself about my worth?"

"Whose voice does that sound like?"

"What do I want to believe instead?"

This week we talked about rewriting the stories we’ve been told and learning to write our own narrative about who we want to become.

No matter what the previous part of the story was, we are free to write the next chapter… and the next… and the next.

As we wrap up, I want you to remember… you truly can be the author of your own story.

It won’t always be easy. Not everyone will be happy with your new script.

But the pen is in our hands – nobody else’s.

And try to remember… always… Be kind to yourself on this journey – as well as to those who may have had a hand at writing the chapters you want to leave behind. We are all only ever doing the best we can with the tools and information we have at the time.

Thank you for being here with me today.

Next week? We’ll be talking about Boundaries. The kind that come without guilt. How to Say No and Still Be Kind.

Until then, this is Johanna, reminding you… that it doesn’t matter if you fall. What matters is how well you bounce.

See you next time!

One of the really uncomfortable things about starting to develop self-awareness is that it rips off your rose-coloured glasses – sometimes poking you in the eye for good measure…

And you start to find that once you see something - you can't really unsee it.

A pattern… an outmoded way of thinking… a version of yourself that just doesn’t feel right anymore…

And let me tell you… It’s one of those blessing-and-curse kind of things. Because it’s both awesome… and at times deeply inconvenient. 

We start to notice collisions between the stories we’ve been carrying around – and the versions of ourselves we’ve been living in those stories – and who we feel we are deep down. 

And once it starts happening… we start noticing those clashes everywhere.

Uncomfortable… inconvenient… and occasionally downright painful.

We start paying attention to our self-talk…

We start to examine our relationships…

We maybe remember opportunities we avoided out of uncertainty... and risks we didn’t take out of fear.

Which can sometimes lead to a really hard question: “If I know this story isn't the story I want anymore... Why am I continuing to write it?”

And if you’ve been with me for awhile here on Transformative Journeys… you know I believe we have the right to hold our own pen. 

And if someone else has been holding it… we can take it back, turn to the next chapter… and start writing that one ourselves.

The problem is that familiar beliefs sometimes have a feeling of safety… even if they’re not.

Even the painful ones… the limiting ones…. and the ones that keep us feeling small.

Our brains are often happier clinging to an uncomfortable certainty happening right now…

Then facing the unknown and uncertainty of change.

Because what if it all blows up in our damned face?!

But the truth is… awareness is just the starting point.

Sometimes that pen is heavy, awkward, and just feels too f*cking scary to pick up.

And letting go of those uncomfortable stories can be doubly challenging if somewhere along the line they also determined our feelings of self-worth (or lack of)… or they were what made us feel loved or needed… or the script was actually written by fear… 

But growth requires us to, some point, start letting go. Even if it’s at the top of that hot metal slide and we know it’s going to burn our ass the entire way until we land back on our feet.

And that brings us to the next conversation.

One that became more and more important for me to start embracing, as both the podcast and my own growth journey, moved forward.

This is Episode 24:
The Art of Unlearning.

What if the biggest thing holding you back… isn’t a lack of discipline, opportunity, or talent…
 But an invisible chain in your mind - forged by beliefs you didn’t even choose… and maybe aren’t even fully aware you’re carrying?

Many of us are constantly compelled to learn more… strive more… acquire more… 

And don’t get me wrong – it’s never a bad idea to work toward developing a new skill, improving our physical health, learning new things, or figuring out a new routine that will improve our emotional or mental health.

But what if the secret to being happier, more content, and maybe even your next breakthrough wasn’t necessarily those things.

What if it wasn’t about adding more? What if it was slowly jettisoning some?

This week I want to talk about the radical act of “unlearning” – and shedding some of the mental baggage and barriers that have been holding us back and limiting our potential.

I’m talking about self-limiting beliefs.

Beliefs like:
“I’m not good enough.”

“I’ll never be able to do that.”

“I’ve always been this way.”

“It’s too late for me.”

This week, we’re talking about the art of unlearning — the science-backed process of gently letting go of the internalized “truths” that were never actually true, and starting to move confidently forward toward our dreams.

Let’s dig into that and break some chains.

Welcome back to Transformative Journeys with Johanna. And of course this is Johanna. And of course we’re going to talk about something at least mildly uncomfortable for some people – and downright panic-inducing for others today.

Because that’s what I love to do. Take my own demons… rip them apart with the sword-of-neuroscience… tame them with a bit of psychology and common sense… and then share my messy truths with you in the hope that it at best helps you step forward with more courage – or at worst, leaves you with food for thought.

So what are limiting beliefs?

Let’s start with a hard truth. One that’s as true for every one of you as it is for me. Because nobody – and I mean nobody – has 100% self-confidence, 100% of the time.

We all walk through the world with internal scripts running in the background. Some of them are good scripts that affirm things we feel good about ourselves. Maybe you’re a good cook – and you know it. Maybe you’re highly organized – and feel confident in that area. Maybe you can make green things grow well – so you ‘know’ you have a green thumb. You get the idea.

But many, many of our internal scripts are either outright, or insidiously, undermining our capabilities and our belief in our potential.

These Oscar-winning scripts, that were usually originally written by someone else, quietly, consistently shape how we see ourselves and what we believe is possible. Because we’ve woven them into our inner narrative and learned to own them.

Psychology calls these limiting beliefs - negative, fear-based self-perceptions or stories we tell ourselves about our identity, the world, or what's possible that have become rigid assumptions about who we are, what we can or can’t do, and how the world works. And here’s the important and insidious part – they prevent us from achieving our goals or being as happy as we could be.

Here’s the problem though…

They often sound like truth because they’ve been playing for so long in our heads.

·       “I’m not really a numbers person.” (guilty as charged on this one)

·       “I don’t have the skills/education/experience to do (fill in the blank).”

·       “People like me don’t get to do that.”

·       “I’m not a creative person.”

·       “I can’t do (fill in the blank). I always mess things up.”

·       “I’m too old to do that.”

Understand this – because it’s really important. These aren’t just self-critical thoughts – because they don’t even have to be about you. They’re learned beliefs – about your self and your capabilities or circumstances… about what other people will think or do based on your actions or what is socially acceptable… or even about life in general and how the world works.

They are often seeded in early childhood – hand-me-downs from family dynamics, school systems, community and culture - and even emotionally charged, one-off failures that branded us with shame (hello teacher who humiliated me during that elementary school class multiplication-table flash-card quiz)... they get nurtured as teens when image is everything… and by adulthood, they have taken up residence to live rent-free there forever.

And they become these kind of self-fulfilling prophecies.

But do they have to? 

Just because a belief feels familiar (even comfortably uncomfortable) … doesn’t mean it’s true.

Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “The only limits you have are the limits you believe.”
 
You know I love neuroscience, so let’s dive into some of the brain science around this for a minute.

Our brains constantly scan our environment for patterns and ways to reduce uncertainty and anxiety, and then create shortcuts in our neuro-circuitry to embed that info so it’s easily retrievable in the future. This is part of what science calls “predictive coding” – our brain’s way of anticipating and preparing for outcomes based on previous life experiences.

There’s a cute phrase I see all the time in the research articles I read… “Neurons that fire together, wire together.”

Which sort of means that the more often these beliefs about ourselves get activated – “I’m not good at that.”… “That never works for me.”… the harder they get baked into our neuro-wiring… so we believe them even more…

And the vicious cycle goes on, becoming what is called a cognitive schema – profound and persistent ways of thinking and feeling about the world and ourselves, that filter how we interpret new situations. 

Instead of seeing something that didn’t go as we’d hoped as data to use to help us do better next time, we actually see it as more confirmation of that limiting belief.

It’s a bit like putting on a pair of those solar sunglasses that you don’t realize you’re wearing. Everything gets filtered through that tiny little hole in the lens.

But I bring tidings of joy!

Thanks to neuroplasticity, we can unlearn those beliefs and create new, more empowering self-beliefs.

But it takes intention. Some determination and work. And self-compassion.

So why is it so hard to let go of these inner narratives - even when we know better?

If you've ever tried to talk yourself out of a limiting belief using something like a mantra and failed, you’re not alone.

Our beliefs don’t live only in the rational part of our brain - they’re stored in our bodies too. (And no that’s not woo-woo – it’s science.)

Our beliefs carry emotional weight too. Our brain wires them to feel like safety - like protection. “Because I was made to feel stupid and ashamed for making mistakes in math… I can avoid those feelings by telling myself that I’m just not good at math, and it’s better left to someone more capable than me – because struggling with math makes me feel stupid and incompetent.”

Yes – I’m talking about me again. Because it’s just such a simple, yet powerful, example of a limiting belief that I still struggle with at 59 years old. And am I ‘bad’ at all math? Of course not. I’m very good at some math… perfectly competent at other parts of math… don’t have a clue about some math because I never actually studied it at school… and suck at times-tables (hello PTSD). That’s not “bad at math” or “not a numbers person”. That my friends is a limiting belief in action.

Some limiting beliefs can create this whole internal conflict between what we want or desire… and the patterns like procrastination, avoidance, sadness and anger, that prevent us from pursuing goals, taking risks, or seeing new possibilities that can help us to achieve or fulfill it.

Unlearning takes work. But it’s possible.

Okay. Let’s talk about what unlearning actually looks like in practice.

Many of our limiting beliefs follow a sort of framework of, “I’m not…”, “I can’t…”, “I don’t…”, or “I shouldn’t…”. They’re that nagging little voice in our heads that make us stumble when we want to try something spontaneous or “big”.

Things like:

“I can’t do public speaking”

“I don’t have the education (or experience)”

“I shouldn’t say anything because it will rock the boat”

“I’m not athletic”

“I don’t deserve this praise”

“I’m not worthy because I got this by pure luck”

“________ says I’ve always been… very nervous… too outspoken… over-confident…”

Any of these ring a bell, or make you wince?

Ya… I see you there ‘impostor syndrome’… and I’ve got my sword-of-neuroscience out of its scabbard and even if I don’t ever completely defeat you? I will cut you down to size.

Want a truth-bomb? All of these “convictions” are beliefs that could have been planted as far back as when we were in diapers… and we’ve been nobly holding on to as if they were gospel.

Now for the Art of Unlearning – and some practical tools to help us get start (cuz’ yes… I am absolutely a work in progress here)

I will dig a little deeper into actual strategies and tools to really help us begin the process of releasing limiting beliefs in a minute, but here is a sort of high-level overview of the process to start.

The first thing we need to do is identify the limiting belief.

Like anything – if you want to start to ‘fix’ something, you need to name the problem - or problems in my case for sure.

And remember for this little exercise – it’s not about tackling every one of them all at once or right away. It’s a self-awareness exercise that will help us determine what we want to explore further… what is having the most immediate impact on our life and happiness, and determine which one work on slaying first.

So grab a pen and a piece of paper and start writing out your biggest limiting beliefs. It’s incredible how tough we really can be on ourselves…

We actually aren’t always aware of, or recognise our limiting thought, so it can even be helpful to keep a little notebook, or thought journal with us in our pocket or bag for awhile. That way when we have a self-limiting thought we can jot it down for exploration later.

Next – identify the lie.

Our limiting beliefs are based on a lie. So ask yourself:

• Is this belief always true? Like always? And all of it?

Then – talk it out with yourself…

• Can I identify where this belief came from?
• Is it impacting my life or my happiness - and do I want to keep carrying it?
• Is my limiting belief closer to fact… or have I made it an excuse?
• Is it rooted in fear… shame… rejection…or some other emotion?
• What is some evidence that contradicts this belief?

Now it’s time to decide on what real belief we want to replace that limiting belief with.

This is where neuroscience really comes to life, because reframing our limiting beliefs, consistently replacing them with a real, truth-centered belief, and actually practicing by doing things that prove that the old belief was a lie, rewires that “predictive coding” we talked about earlier, and re-writes that “cognitive schema” - not just planting that new belief – but nurturing it to helping it to thrive and grow.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) calls this practice cognitive restructuring - where we identify, challenge, and replace unhelpful thoughts with more accurate ones.

It’s a little bit “affirmations” – and a little of the harder work of putting those affirmations into real-life practice.

So, shall we dig into some real strategies to use as we go through the stuff I covered in the overview?

Journalling it out.

Whether you sit down and do a sort of full exercise by listing examining a bunch of limiting beliefs at once, or you make note of them as they come along and go back to do some work on challenging them a little later, journalling these thoughts out is a powerful practice to help us figure out the belief… figure out its source… and then determine how best (for you) to reframe it.

Say you came up with the limiting belief, “I’m terrible at public speaking”.

Again, yes… I’m dipping into the very deep well of past experience here – this is definitely one I had to “slay the demons” about when I started public speaking for Threads of Life to advocate for safer workplace cultures and the importance of workplace injury prevention. Not only did I have to slay that demon in order to speak in front of large groups of strangers… but I had to do it with the constant anxiety around the emotional content of my story and message.

So back to that thought… “I’m a terrible public speaker”. I doubt many public speakers don’t have this one – at least early in the game. The thought then gets amplified… “I always stumble on my words… I have to look at my notes… I don’t look like those famous people in the infomercials… and people are going to judge me badly.”

I am an introvert – and that whole public speaking exercise in grade 5 or 6 where we had to write something… memorize it… and say it in front of the entire class, was excruciating for me. I truly don’t enjoy being in large groups of people, and although I thoroughly enjoy real conversations whether it’s with people I know or strangers, I abhor meaningless small-talk. 

And here I am signing up to be a frigging public speaker. Voluntarily!! And unpaid. Geezus… lol.

Personally, I don’t buy the positive affirmation idea for this one – you know… telling myself “I am a confident and articulate speaker... I express myself with clarity and captivate my audience”, but that’s just me and my situation – so if that works for you, awesome! Do it!

I do however, have two strategies that work for me. The first is reminding myself that sometimes it’s the really uncomfortable things that matter in a positive way the most. Telling myself that 95% of the people in the room wouldn’t have the guts to do what I’m doing, and aren’t hearing my stammers and fumbles… they are hearing my story and actually admiring me for having the courage to do it (take that shame-demon!). 

And the third and most powerful one is kind of funny. I learned something that forever changed the way I experience public speaking when I started really researching, reading, and learning about emotional awareness and emotional intelligence. Anxiousness and excitement actually elicit the same sensations in our bodies. I began to cognitively reframe (like literally talking to myself) when I am getting ready to do a presentation. When I feel the usual anxiety start to kick in (like yes – every single f*cking time), I literally tell myself “What you are feeling is excitement. You know your message is impactful and most people respect you for sharing it. You are excited because you are making a difference.”

Literally works every time. Do I have the same sensations? The shaking hands? The ishy feeling in my stomach? The sweaty armpits? 

100%

Does it allow me to walk up onto the stage (and forward in life) with a little more confidence?

1000%

Mindfulness and a name-the-thought practice

This involves distancing yourself from the thought – thereby taking away its power.

When you have a self-limiting thought, instead of assimilating that thought (This didn’t work… I made a mistake… = “I’m a failure”), learn to observe it and identify it for what it is.

“I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.”

You can then go on to challenge it a bit.

·  “Is that thought accurate and factual – or am I making a negative association between what happened and me personally?”

·  “Is this situation… outcome… mistake… as bad as I’m making it out to be?”

Even…

·  “What is something I have learned from what just happened?”

It takes a bit of time to get used to doing – and it’s hard to catch every self-limiting thought that pops into our head – but over time, with practice, you can rewire those circuits and improve your self-confidence.

The Rubber Band Technique

This one is used for a number of things in cognitive behavioural therapy. It’s aim really, is to reduce unwanted behaviours or thoughts buy bringing them to our attention physically, or by attaching a negative consequence to it. 

The idea here isn’t to cause yourself pain – it’s to give you a quick way to stop the thought in its tracks, remind you to immediately reframe it, and conditioning you to have fewer of the negative thought in the future.

It’s pretty simple. Wear a rubber band on your wrist (or I prefer the wrapped elastic bands most girls use to tie their pony-tails because you have to snap those pretty hard for them to actually hurt – and I find they both don’t break as easily, and don’t get caught in my sleeves as much). It should be tight enough that it doesn’t fall off – but not so tight that it is uncomfortable or cuts off your circulation.

When you notice a negative – or self-limiting – thought, give the rubber band a ping. The physical action and sensation should halt the thought – at which time, you take a second or two to reframe the thought… use your affirmation mantra… or just re-write that thought in your head.

Visualization and rehearsal

I’m going to say this again… and again… and likely again.

Strategies (or tools) like visualization are not fluffy, metaphysical, woo-woo stuff aimed at people who dance with their cat under the full moon or live in communes on the west coast.

Advances in cognitive neuroscience, which includes functional brain-imaging (MRIs), show that mental imagery makes use of many of the same neural pathways and areas of our brain as actually experiencing – seeing, feeling, or doing - something. 

Imagery of emotional events can activate our autonomic nervous system and our amygdala in a similar way to actually experiencing - leading to physiological changes. For example, imagining a threatening or frightening event can cause an increase in our heart rate, breathing rate, and skin temperature.

Think about the last time you had a nightmare or vivid dream. You weren’t actually physically experiencing the events in your dream – they were all going on in your imagination and in your head.

So the trick is that it’s not about just sort of thinking about it or saying it to ourselves, like a mantra.

It’s vividly picturing yourself living in a way that is in line with the new belief (kind of like creating a high-resolution video of it in your head) that helps the brain rehearse and solidifies the shift. How would you move through the world and behave if you truly believed you are… you can… and you do… instead of those “aren’ts”, “can’ts”, and “don’ts”.

This isn’t magic. It’s neuroscience. 

And it unlocks something pretty powerful, because when we start to believe we are, we can, and we do, we start to notice more and more things that support those beliefs about ourselves.

It’s a bit like taking off a blinder and being able to see possibilities you didn’t realize were there before.

And finally… Act

Last, but not least… dreaming and visualizing will only get you so far if you don’t act on them.

It’s time to be a little bit brave… and find even small ways to take a little bit of uncomfortable action. Because with every tiny successful action you take that contradicts your limiting belief, you are removing a link from that chain in your mind.

Don’t get me wrong. Not every action might be successful and that might feel sh*tty. But whatever you do, don’t let it hold you back from taking those tiny steps forward - failure is a part of life, and accepting that with a what-did-I-learn-from-that growth mindset, instead of using it to re-affirm your limiting belief is an important part of the process.

But as much as I love mantras to help me take the first step (“I can do this… I can do this… I can do this…”) – actions speak way louder than words.

Ok. If you have a notebook or paper handy, today I’m going leave you with these prompts to consider this week – whether you actually journal them out, or just take them with you on your next walk.

Make it kind. Ask yourself:

1. What is one belief I’ve carried for years that I now suspect might not be true?
2. Where do I think that belief came from?
3. If I could rewrite that belief into something more empowering, what would it sound like?

This week I talked about limiting beliefs. What they are… where they come from… why it can be so difficult to let go of them… and how you can start to identify yours and begin to free yourself from them.

As we wrap up, I want you to remember…

Unlearning – and releasing those limiting beliefs isn’t erasing who you are – and it’s not a one-time fix.

It’s a life-long practice. Our brains are hard-wired to try to protect us – so every hard experience… every so-called failure… has the potential to add a link to that invisible chain in our mind.

Releasing our limiting beliefs isn’t about denying the pain of those events, or pretending we aren’t hurt, scared or uncertain.

It’s about breaking old habits… embracing a growth mindset… and gaining a better understanding of yourself.

And it’s never too late to rewrite our beliefs…

To ones that are more empowering,

More in line with who we want to be – instead of who others want us to be,

And beliefs that help us overcome obstacles and build our resilience.

Don’t forget - for more practical tools to help you focus on you – and begin to honour your right to honour who you, including by setting boundaries, make sure you grab my Bounce Back Blueprint at transformativejourneys.ca – or just scroll down to the link in the show notes.

Thank you for being here with me today.

Until then, this is Johanna, reminding you… that it doesn’t matter if you fall. What matters is how well you bounce.

This… is Transformative Journeys.

See you next time!

Want to know a not-so-secret, secret about me?

Knowing it doesn’t always mean I manage to do it all the time.

Every episode I learn more… 

And sometimes when I’m sharing what I’ve been learning… or something I’ve figured out that I need to work on…

I’m ripping off a gigantic cognitive or emotional f*cking Band-Aid that’s been protecting a boo-boo I’ve been carrying around for decades. 

Insight does not automatically create change.

Just because I’ve worked hard at trying to understand myself and my baggage, doesn’t mean I’ve developed some transformative superpowers and have it all figured out.

Far from it.

In fact… do you know what?

Just because I know I need to do something… or work on something… doesn’t mean I’m always going to f*cking do it…

Even if I want to do it… and I try to do it…

Doesn’t mean I do it all the time. Or that I always get it right.

And if you happened to listen to the last episode on Powerpoint Johanna… you’ll know what a colossal f*ck-up that experience was.

But I try. Like… I really try to take what I’m learning and use it to jettison some old baggage and move forward into the next chapter of my life as at least a moderately better person.

Because all of the awareness in the world means jack-sh*t unless you take the challenge and meet it with some action.

And let me tell you… that's where things start to get uncomfortable.

Because unlearning old thought-patterns, habits, and beliefs sounds wonderful in theory.

‘til we're standing face-to-face with whatever we've been avoiding.

That conversation we've been putting off.

That boundary we've been afraid to set… or keep letting someone walk all over.

Taking that action or that chance we've convinced ourselves we're not ready for.

Doing something to move toward that dream we’re sitting around waiting to feel confident enough to make happen.

So here's a big something that I've learned.

Confidence rarely comes first. Confidence also has zero to do with courage.

In fact, confidence isn’t the absence of fear. Confident people feel fear all the time.

Confidence comes from stepping through the fear to do it anyway. Even if that’s just in baby steps.

Confidence comes way after… in little dribbles over time. And isn’t consistent at all even then.

In fact, it can be snatched away at a moment’s notice. I’ve never been the same on my dirt bike since I tumbled off and broke my wrist. My confidence took a hit that, not only have I not gotten back yet… it actually made me less confident than the first time I ever rode a dirtbike!

But we spend so much of our lives and our energy believing that one day we'll finally feel ready to climb to the top of that big metal slide…

Ready to start the thing...

Ready to speak up for ourselves...

Ready to let go at the top of the slide regardless of the ass-blistering ride we know is coming...

But most of the time… readiness and confidence… is something we discover when we get to the bottom of the slide and land on our feet.

Not at the foot of the ladder.

And that's where the final conversation in this collection comes in.

Because by the time I recorded this episode, I had already spent months doing something that scared me.

Tackling – and f*cking up – the tech.

Putting my thoughts into the world.

Dropping podcast episodes with my hand shaking on the mouse as I hit “publish”.

Taking the chance to ride down the slide that I’d only seen the big kids play on…

And allowing myself to be seen.

Not perfectly. Gawd no…

But confidently? Mmmm… Ya, maybe finally a little more recently…

But most importantly? Consistently.

And somewhere along this ride, something pretty fascinating has happened.

The fear hasn’t completely disappeared…

But it no longer gets to make the decisions.

Although… transparency… some days?

All the duct tape in the world, and an industrial metal door, can’t keep Imposter Syndrome from escaping out of my attic to try to remind me that I’m “not all that and a sprinkled donut”…

So the final episode in today’s collection is about what happened when I kept showing up anyway.

This is Episode 40:
Exposure Therapy in Real Time.

What if the one thing you’re kind of terrified to start… ends up being a turning point leading you to exactly where you didn’t know you needed to go?

Forty episodes ago, I thought I was starting a podcast.
Turns out, I was starting a whole new growth curve.

You’re gonna love this one.

So let’s just dig into that!

Welcome back to Transformative Journeys with Johanna! I’m your host Johanna – and I’ve got to tell you…

When I realized that I was about to write my 40th episode… it kind of landed with a thump right in my mid-section.

Episode 40.

Fourty episodes.

Fourty times I’ve hit “record”.

Fourty times I’ve questioned both my courage – and my sanity.

Fourty times I’ve agonized over the imperfections I hear like sirens in my ear, every time I hit publish. 

When I’ve stuttered over a word… when the audio doesn’t sound as perfect as all of the podcast pros that I listen to… when I think – after-the-fact – that I could have maybe explained something in a better way…

But fourty times I did it scared – but did it anyway (call-back to episode one). Maybe not as scared as I was the first few episodes – but definitely still nervous. Every. Time.

Not because I think I shouldn’t be doing it. And not because I really think I’m doing “it” wrong.

But because I want to give you my very best – every single time. 

And because “Imposter Syndrome” still lives in my attic. It’s not as loud as it used to be thanks to the many rolls of metaphorical duct tape I’ve slapped across its mouth. But still there. Maybe it always will be. I’ve just locked the door and won’t let it out into the open anymore… lol.

So in honour of the fourtieth episode that I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to - today I’m doing something a little different.

Today I’m giving you:

The good.

The bad.

The mildly embarrassing…

Fourty things I’ve learned in fourty episodes.

About fear… growth… identity… perfectionism… and why every time I turn on the mic it feels a bit like that nightmare where you’re on stage and realize you haven’t got any clothes on lol.

And of course – because I’m me and you know can’t help myself – we’ll be grounding a bunch of it in psychology and neuroscience. 

Because I know you want inside my head…lol.

So let’s take a look at what actually happens when you decide to take a chance on being seen.

What’s the first thing I learned…

Whether we like it or not, our brain – your brain… my brain… pretty much everyone’s brain – sees being judged and the possibility of being laughed at, as a threat. As in a real threat to our safety.

When you start putting your voice – or yourself – out in the world, your brain doesn’t give a damn that you feel like you’re doing it for all the right reasons.

It cares about survival… it cares about whether our social circle (to our mammalian brain – our tribe) is going to exile us… and it’s screaming “They’re all gonna laugh at you!!!” 

Research led by Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA showed that social rejection activates the dorsal portion of the anterior cingulate cortex — the same region of the brain involved in processing physical pain.

Which explains why when I’m hitting “publish” it feels a bit like it felt stepping barefoot onto one of my son’s lego cars… but this time the lego is in the shape of public opinion.

Not drama. Neuroscience.

So lesson number two is - if it scares me a little bit – good. It probably matters a lot to me.

So lesson three is that overthinking is fear believing it’s disguised because it’s wearing sensible shoes. 

Lesson four?

Fear diminishes with repetition. Mostly.

My first few episodes? Amygdala in high-alert mode. 

Heart racing. Shoulders tense. Stop-and-remember-to-breathe.

Fourty episodes in? Just the occasional mild existential crisis fully managed by a few deep breaths before hitting the record button.

So the lesson is that given a chance, our brain will learn… “Ok. We survived this. No need to panic.”

Am I still a little nervous? Sure I am. Fear still shows up. It just doesn’t get the microphone anymore.

Let’s see… Lesson number five?

I’ve learned that perfectionism isn’t necessarily about excellence. It’s more often about emotions-management. It’s basically a self-soothing behaviour to pat my nervous system on the head and tell it not to worry because I have everything under control.

I have literally re-recorded entire sections because I could hear myself breathing into the mic.

Did that change the meaning of what I had said? Not even a little. 

I did it because it sounded… imperfect.

Brené Brown’s work on shame resilience talks about this. In the “Gifts of Imperfection” she talks about how perfectionism is a shield against vulnerability.

It whispers:
 “If it’s flawless, they won’t laugh at us.”

But here’s what 40 episodes taught me:

“Perfectionism doesn’t protect you from criticism. It wastes valuable time – and delays progress.”

Also? Nobody noticed the weird breath.

Only me.

Lesson six - We often dramatically over-estimate how much other people notice our mistakes – or care that we made them.

Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2000 says that “people overestimate the extent to which their actions and appearance are noted by others, a phenomenon dubbed the spotlight effect.”

Do I really think even one person listening thought, “Hey… she stumbled over that word…” 

Nope. They were probably driving to work… cooking dinner with chaos in the background… or writing their grocery list.

The realization that most people are not analyzing you – and especially not the ones you should care about – is remarkably freeing.

Lesson seven? Comparison is a wi-fi thief. It steals your bandwidth, and robs you of joy.

And in the words attributed to Oscar Wilde – “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”

Which brings us to lesson eight: You can’t stage-manage authenticity. 

Have you noticed a slightly edgier… a bit maybe spicer… side to my podcasts recently?

Yes – I want to help people. Yes – I want my actual content to be taken seriously. And truth – most of what I talk about are serious issues many of us deal with in our life – ya, me included.

But anyone who knows me, knows that 100% serious – I am most definitely not.

I’ve got a dry, some say sarcastic, sense of humour, and the vocabulary of a sailor on shore-leave.

Burying that to be “taken seriously” was not being authentic. It was fear of not being taken seriously – and fear of being “seen”.

(Warning issued… lol)

So lesson nine is that we are allowed to evolve. 

With the exception of some neurons, brain cells, heart muscle cells, and your tooth enamel – none of the cells in your body are the same as they were 10 years ago. Some turn over in as little as days, weeks or a few months. Why should we think we need to be the same person we were last week, last month, or last year.

And evolution in public is particularly empowering.

Lesson ten is that identity shifts are uncomfortable because our brain prefers to keep running old – often outdated - scripts. It far prefers an uncomfortable certainty of what it knows now, over what it sees as the chaos and threat of change.

And lesson eleven is that our brain feels threatened by growth because it loves that predictable discomfort.

And going back to humour – so lets make this lesson twelve…

Why do I make jokes – or sprinkle my, some would say dry-witted, sarcasm throughout my podcast?

Because humour is a nervous system regulator.

Healing work without levity is exhausting, and humour reduces our body’s stress reaction.

One of the best things in the world for relieving stress is a good belly-laugh – but even a good chuckle can reduce it.

Studies show laughter lowers cortisol and increases one of our feel-good hormones - endorphins (Berk et al., Dunbar et al.).

Humour isn’t dismissing or denying our pain. È It took an entire session with my amazing grief counsellor after my son died, to accept that laughing wasn’t dishonouring my grief over his death – and in fact was in many ways honouring his life, because one of the things he loved to do was to make people laugh.

 “Sometimes laughter is a way for our nervous system to just exhale after metaphorically holding its breath.”

Also… life is funny.

Sometimes embarrassingly funny.

Sometimes painfully funny.

Sometimes “did that just happen?” funny.

Even at what feels like the worst times… funny things happen.

You get it. 

Lesson thirteen has been that it’s ok to get better in real time. Being a work in progress as you’re doing it scared – but doing it anyway.

Lesson fourteen is courtesy of my Imposter Syndrome living up there in my attic. Quieter than it used to be, but very much still an unwelcome squatter living rent-free in my head.

And unlike actual rent-free squatters, this one doesn’t even take the garbage out.

An article in Psychology Today says that the term Imposter Syndrome can be traced back to research by psychologists Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes who originally used the term "imposter phenomenon" – which later became known as imposter syndrome -  in their 1978 research paper "The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women".

But it’s common in people of any gender. 

It’s that voice in your head saying, “Who do you think you are?”. 

But - imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re a fraud… or that you’re unqualified… It means you’re stretching outside your comfort zone.

And that’s good for you.

Lesson fifteen is that self-doubt (thanks imposter syndrome) gets loudest… just before some really good growth happens. Identity shifts – the internal ones that mean how we see ourselves has changed – scare the sh*t out of our nervous system.

But self-trust grows with aligned action. And that’s lesson sixteen.

And lesson seventeen is about how that happens. 

Alignment happens when our actions stop arguing with our values.

Self-trust happens when ÊI give myself evidenceÊ that I’m saying, doing, and trying to live what I talk to you about.

Every time I hit publish – in spite of my fear and insecurities – I am showing myself, this is who I am. Not “who I want to be” – Who. I. Am.

And that self-trust isn’t built in my comfort-zone. It’s built by stepping right into the arena and doing something that is important to me.

My hero Brene Brown often refers to a quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech in 1910, and it made a huge impact on how I see my life – and made me worry a lot less about “what people will think”.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again... who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly..."

Lesson eighteen is entirely pragmatic. And it popped in here because it happened while I was writing the episode.

Writing or editing while you’re hungry isn’t recommended. So I’m going to break for my mid-roll message to grab a snack while my other me tells you about my free resources. 

Where were we?...

Lesson nineteen – You don’t suddenly become “brave”. You practice brave. Sometimes in teeny, tiny, baby steps.

Sometimes you’re just never going to feel “ready”. Or prepared enough. Or strong enough.

Our brains don’t want us to.

So you just act. Bravery will catch up later when your brain feels a little safer.

“You don’t become confident first. You act in alignment long enough that your brain eventually believes you.”

And lesson twenty is that courage compounds.

Keep showing up. Fear and alignment can co-exist (with closing paragraph lines). And every time you show up and do it anyway, you’re building courage to keep on showing up.

Lesson twenty-one was that I can’t control opinion.

This one has been a bit ouchy sometimes.

Some episodes I poured my heart and soul into have hardly seen any downloads. Other ones that I thought might land for a very limited “audience”… or where I thought the topic might be a little ‘touchy’ for some people… or even where I thought the audio wasn’t “just right”…  have had some of my highest download numbers.

Go figure…

But what I really mean by this is that I had to learn that just because it was important to me and I wanted to talk about it, doesn’t mean that it’s gonna be important for anyone else. 

And going back to the spotlight effect – apparently nobody who listens actually cares if I stammer over a word… or my audio isn’t production-perfect. Or they don’t even notice.

Spotlight turned off.

Lesson twenty-two was an internal one for sure. One I kind of knew before I even started… but just like everyone else, I do love my little hits of dopamine when I see my download numbers go up. And some days I refresh the stats like it’s a slot machine.

Downloads are not a measure of impact. I’ve told myself from the beginning that if each episode helps even one person going through something hard, it’s worth doing.

And not everyone is going to be my audience. That’s lesson twenty-three. And that’s fine. I’m not Joe Rogan or Mel Robbins. And truth? Not everyone is their audience either.

And going back to those download numbers I didn’t predict? Lesson number twenty-four is that sometimes the episode I almost didn’t do – might be the one someone actually needed to hear.

Alright… let’s move things along here shall we? I try to keep these episodes around 30-minutes (ish) and if I keep this up I’ll be here for an hour.

I said fourty lessons – so fourty lessons it will be. But the rest I will do rapid-fire style. 

As if I’m speaking to myself:

Lesson 25 – Analytics are just data. Not identity. And not self-value.

Lesson 26 – You do not need universal approval to have impact.

Lesson 27 – You can survive a bad download week. Your ancestors survived winters living in a cave.

Lesson 28 – Saying it imperfectly is better than not saying it at all. The people who get it – get it. The people who don’t – wouldn’t have anyway.

Lesson 29 – Feeling yourself cringe is sometimes just you’re staring at growth you’re not sure you’re ready for.

Lesson 30 – Your body can be sending you messages that something isn’t “safe” even when you logically know you’re fine.

Lesson 31 – Vulnerability hangovers are a real thing. (Did I really just tell everyone that…?! And publish it out into the world???...). Hydrate by reading some of Brene Brown’s books. 

Lesson 32 – “Done” is a resilience strategy. Stop typing. Stop over-thinking. Stop re-analyzing. Take it as done and hit “record”.

Lesson 33 – “Confidence isn’t the starting point. It’s the outcome. You don’t wait for courage and then act. You act… and your brain updates the software after.”

Lesson 34 – Not how you thought it would sound out loud? Thought of something you wished you’d said after the recording is done? Publish it anyway. There’s always another episode...

Lesson 35 – Visibility builds resilience – and courage. There are no sabre-tooth tigers on Facebook or Instagram. Just algorithms. Slightly less dangerous… slightly. So just share the post and move along.

Lesson 36 – Rest is not laziness. I’m still a work-in-progress on this one by the way… I love doing this so much – and I often have to force myself to turn off my computer and do some of “that rest thing”.

Lesson 37 – The work changes you. I’ve learned so much about myself while doing this podcast. It’s not just the stuff I’ve talked about today… Something really shifted inside me around episode 8 – “Dear 20-Year-Old Me” – and every few episodes I can feel something shift again. It’s good.

Lesson 38 – Those versions of me… 20-year-old me, and the me who pressed play for the first time? They would be proud of me. And five years from now, I know I’ll be grateful I started this when I did.

Lesson 39 – Learning how to become comfortable in your skin? It isn’t comfortable work at all.

And lesson 40 – Scared? Start anyway.

So this week’s reflection prompt might not be an easy one – because self-honesty can be funny… or it can be painful. 

But if you have a notebook or paper handy, her is something that you can journal out – or just take on your next walk with you.

Make it kind – but honest. And as always - be self-compassionate.

What would the version of you, five years from now, be proud you started today?

Even if you’re scared.

This week I shared 40 lessons that doing this podcast have taught me. 

Fourty episodes ago, I didn’t know if anyone but my husband would listen to any of them.

But that wasn’t actually the point.

What I didn’t realize back then… was that the biggest challenges wouldn’t be what to talk about… whether anyone would listen… or how to balance doing this with a full-time job and my volunteer work…

It would be getting used to being seen. And using the actual stuff I was talking about to regulate my own nervous system while I was being vulnerable… fighting with my imposter syndrome… and doing the work with you.

As we wrap up, I want to leave you with this. 

If you’re in the trenches of healing… speaking up… learning to build boundaries… or just changing direction… I see you.

Fear and discomfort aren’t stop signs. Courage takes practice – so keep practicing, even if it’s in baby-steps.

I’m not special. It took a long time for me to see resilience, courage, or bravery in myself. And I still have self-doubt – all the time.

So if your nervous system starts firing up when you think about doing something new?

That might not be danger.

That might be growth – hiding behind the same cool shades as fear does.

Thank you for being here with me today.

Until next time, this is Johanna, reminding you… that it doesn’t matter if you fall. What matters is how well you bounce.

This… is Transformative Journeys.

See you next time!

Well my friends...

We've taken quite the journey together today lol.

From taking a chance – whether we’re ready or not… 

To cross-examining the narratives that became part of the stories we might have been carrying for way longer than they deserve….

To tackling the really hard work of looking at those stories more objectively and deciding it might be time to just jettison some of those old outdated – and unwanted - beliefs...

And we ended our journey by exploring how growth isn't something we think our way into – its something we step into.

Sometimes one hesitant, uncertain, baby-step at a time.

We can’t grow without some practice. Or without a few growing pains along the way.

When I think back to when began thinking about doing this podcast - I thought at the time I was just creating something.

Something that would stretch me a little – and hopefully help others a lot.

An opportunity to share some of the things I’ve learned through some of the harder chapters of my life.

And I think I’ve done those things.

What took me a bit by surprise along the way was how much this podcast would become part of my own growth journey too.

Because it turned out that the things I’ve talked about weren’t just things I've learned… or things I have been through…

Maybe some of them were. But mainly they’ve been things I’m learning - now.

Sometimes repeatedly – because I sometimes ignore my own advice myself…

Sometimes the hard way… because if you’ve been here before, you might have heard me mention that I tend to take the long, rocky road to figure it all out.

Sometimes with my Imposter Syndrome screaming and pounding at the attic door to get out.

And I’m still discovering that I have plenty of my own stories left to rewrite.

And that’s ok.

Because the only finish line is the one at the very, very end of the road.

And maybe I’m finding on my own journey, that running underneath the themes of all the episodes that came before this one.

Is that it’s ok if life changes us… I think that’s inevitable.

And maybe it’s not just ok to become someone different than you’ve always been… than everyone’s always expected you to be…

Maybe we deserve to.

And we have way more agency in who we become next than we might realize.

And if you think back through the journey we took today, you’ll realize…

The episodes may have explored different ideas… different ‘themes’…

But they’re all connected.

Maybe like… with a bubbling stream… weaving in and out and across… the path we took to get to that park with the stinkin’ hot, giant metal slide… 

And maybe… it’s a nice cool stream, that maybe we can sit our blistered ass in after we take the brave steps to climb up that ladder of uncertainty…

Let go at the top to make what could be a painful descent…

Not really knowing if we’ll land on our feet at the bottom…

But having the courage to take a chance –

And do it anyway.

I’ll see you in a couple of weeks for season two and my 50th episode.

Thank you for being here with me today.

Come say hi on Instagram @transformativejourneys.johanna or visit my website and say hi there!

If you like a bit more bang-for-your-buck there’s an enhanced version of this podcast on YouTube. On-screen prompts, beautiful visuals, and a more immersive experience. Head over to my YouTube channel Transformative Journeys.

Got an idea that you’d like to hear me talk about? Leave me a message and you might see it in a future episode.

Until next time, this is Johanna, reminding you… that it doesn’t matter if you fall. What matters is how well you bounce.

This… is Transformative Journeys.

See you next time!

End note: Just a disclaimer! This podcast is for entertainment and informational purposes only and should not replace the advice of a medical or mental health expert. I am not a licensed counsellor or therapist - just a human with a mic and a story of growth and resilience. No degree… no fancy letters after my name... I’m a full-time student at the School of Hard Knocks, University of Life where I figure I will graduate when I take my last breath. In other words, I’m just Johanna - a fellow human being on my journey through this thing called life, and your concierge on this transformative journey.